Home Safely!

We are home safely!

In one of my last conversations with Sara I learned that Brent would never be able to be adopted.  He is a sweet bright boy who knows how to spell his name and has asked me multiple times how to spell mine and by the end of the stay knew that it started with a “W”.  He was found with other babies with a kidnapper who was planning to sell the healthy boys to families in China.  The man was arrested and the babies went to orphanages.  They can never be legally adopted since they were kidnapped but the chances are slim that the parents will ever find them. 

Sara said in Aidan’s orphanage she knew of 5 healthy boys like Brent who will most likely live out their lives in an orphanage due to kidnapping.  I cannot imagine losing a child and not realizing that he was growing up in an orphanage waiting for me to claim him.  I get no Amber Alert but still don’t understand the not searching until you find your child or have exhausted all avenues.  It is a different culture, one that I doubt that I will ever fully understand.

I felt for a moment that I was Lisa Ling while waiting to board our flight to “Our America” when the gentleman behind me started a conversation with me about his trip.  He shared, that this was his first trip to China and about some of the culture shock, he shared that this was not a business trip but an engagement trip.  Through some international dating service he was introduced and has been talking via phone and video chat for the past 6 months with a woman and by this time he knew she was the one, I might add she does not speak English and he does not speak Chinese.  He bought the ring prior to travel and they are now engaged.  In case you are wondering what comes next, he will apply for a fiancee passport / visa, which takes about 4-6 months and then she will come to the States.  At that time she will have to marry him within 90 days or return to China.  I can think of no better end to my China blog than that.

Many days after getting home, I am now slowly recovering from the jet lag and acting on Mitch telling me I needed a better ending.  I thought I would throw in that I spent my layover visiting with the pilot that flew us safely home from Beijing an we might get together sometime for social time with our 5 year old boys as she also lives in Olathe.  But I guess that doesn’t fit the bill either for great endings.

I will say that one of my main goals in life is to not judge others actions, as we cannot be sure how we would react in the same situation.   After being worried that Asa and Joey spent too much time in chairs, I saw them on the floor together.  In very little time the highly spastic Asa had turn and was kicking Joey in the head due to his spasticity.  And with my concern or the staff feeding the severe CP kids lying down I tried to hold and feed one.  Even as a mother of 5 and former NICU nurse I felt like I had never put anything in a child’s mouth before, as he was very hard to feed.  Part of this was because he wasn’t used to being held but still he was just hard to feed.  All of these kids need to be lifted up in thoughts and prayers.



 

Last Blog entry from China

This will be my last blog entry from China.  Last night Hannah, Maya, Sara, Shelby and I went to “University City” and had dinner.  It was our last meal with Maya.  After dinner, we went to DQ and got an ice cream cake that we had during our second movie night at Sara’s apartment.  We will miss Maya as we will the staff and kids here.

We spent the morning with the kids.  I went to the gift shop and bought Grady a bunch of candy with money Grant sent with me to spend on Grady.  We sat in Grady’s room and played Chinese Checkers (which they call jump) and Sorry.  I don’t want to brag but I won both games and apparently Grady is pretty good at “Jump”, the games were his birthday gift last year.  The children don’t have many items that they can call theirs so the game is very special to him. Then Grady had some success in Ping Pong against Hannah.  We all laughed hard during those games.  There is nothing better than to hear the children laugh. 

We ate lunch, Hannah with Grady and Shelby, me with Elizabeth - I wish I could bring Elizabeth home.  Of course I realize that we have 5 kids and do not have the money or as hard as it is to admit the energy for more.  Due to my experience from being a case manager of kids with medical needs I also know how expensive it is to have a child with needs, especially one confined to a wheelchair.  And that makes me worry all the more about Elizabeth.  I understand how hard it would be for a family to adopt her, but knowing her, I also understand what a family’s love could do for her.  She is very bright and I feel could do so much more with her legs given the opportunity of therapies she could receive in the States.  When her paper work makes it to adoption agencies I will rally for her.  I can say that about so many of these children, that will lose their greatness due to lack of love and opportunity.

Xander and the Wall - Day 8

Yesterday we spent time at the school in one of the classrooms.  There were maybe ten kids at most ranging in age from 6 to 18.  They go very slowly in school compared to how kids are taught in the States and it makes me realize how fortunate we are to have the schools we are blessed with.

Hannah has been amazing on the trip, the kids love her and she can make them laugh like nobody else here.  I let her entertain as much as possible so I can hold and comfort the ones that are not playing.

Last night we went back to the BBQ with Maya and Sara then had a movie night at Sara’s apartment.  We love love love Sara.  She is the best, so much fun and loves the kids so much.  Factoids from Sara- 1.) 90% of men in China smoke, only 10% of women, 2.) It is ok for the eggs to not be refrigerated as some eggs “the older they get the better they are”.  My own factoid - they have workers that clean the street with homemade brooms but the land around the street is littered with trash.

Today we went to the Great Wall (my 3^rd time there so I don’t have much to say about that).  But I will chat about “Mario” AKA our taxi driver for the day.  In over 5 hours of riding with him, I do not think that anyone passed us.  I have been in many taxis in my 4 trips to China but this guy needs to find the Amazing Race because I think he is the million-dollar driver. 

I might add that most people I encountered today did not like me.  On the slide ride down the Great Wall I got yelled at 3 times, once for following too closely, once for going too fast and once for taking pictures.  When we got back to the taxi “ Mario” was napping.  We woke him up, he looked at his clock and shook his head mumbling something in Chinese - we were done 40 minutes early!

Xander - Diagnosis Autism.  We rode with him and a nanny to his Autistic School and then went to on to the Great Wall.  I am not sure when he got the diagnosis of Autism but he did not seem to be Autistic to me.  He did not speak but made some noises; he would smile when we interacted with him.  I have seen kids with some type of sensory deficits (such as hearing loss) display some Autistic traits.  It makes me wonder if he had a hearing screen prior to that diagnosis.  I also have seen babies adopted from orphanages that show traits that might be considered Autistic.  Those self-stimulation traits can be a replacement for sensory deficits. 

He seemed to crave affection.  I sat by him on the way home.  He let me wrap my arm around him and hold on to his arm, to keep him from flying out of the taxi.  He grabbed my hand and held it, then he melted into my body with my arms wrapped around him in a hug and he fell asleep.  As much as I hated the taxi ride, part of me wanted it to never end.

Joy and Grady

I have officially lost track of what day it is and how many days we’ve been here.  Also, since I cannot view the blog I am forgetting what pictures I’ve already posted so forgive me if I am reposting pictures, I am trying to post pictures that go with each blog entry.  Yesterday when we went in to Beijing for shopping we had ice cream for lunch at Cold Stone Creamery.  For dinner we went out for BBQ.  The BBQ place had more dirt on the chairs, walls and floor than I could bear to look at, but the tables were clean.  I have not felt well today, as my stomach is rolling.  Maya is wondering why after eating street food I didn’t get sick but after Cold Stone I don’t feel well - BBQ maybe?

I have found my Joy again.  Joy was my favorite from three years ago, when I saw her on our first day here this time she wanted nothing to do with me.  A bit of shyness has come over her.  But she has warmed up to me now and runs to me when she sees me.  Her diagnosis is hydrocephalus; she is very bright and loving to the others in her house. 

During one of our hugs I noticed her back felt deformed, after a couple attempts I got her shirt up enough to see it.  She has scoliosis, not severe at this time but I worry that someday she will end up like Grady who is totally disabled by his severe scoliosis.  This makes me sad and worried about her future.  To brighten the mood I will tell you that just as she has learned to hug me to show affection she now thinks that lifting my shirt is also a sign of affection.  I have no way to explain to her that I was lifting her shirt due to my concern over her back, so I just keep pulling my shirt back down.

That brings me to Grady, a favorite of everyone that visits Shepherd’s Field.  He comes from Aidan’s orphanage, so in the almost 4 years we have had Aidan someone from our family has seen Grady each year.  He speaks quite a bit of English and is very smart.  He likes to do magic tricks and he has a great sense of humor.  When we first met Grady he was able to walk with a cane (see the picture below from Fuzhou).  He is now in a wheelchair almost all the time.  He has aged out, meaning he is now too old to be adopted.  He will never have parents or a home but Shepherd’s Field has given him a reason to smile.

Here's Joy over the years...

And here's Grady over the last 4 years...

And last but not least our precious Hannah

Sisterhood of the Traveling Wheelchairs

In the House of Peace, there are four girls that are immobile as far as walking goes.

Noel is always on the floor; she has spastic Cerebral Palsy (CP) and does not talk.  She packs a big smile and can laugh out loud when playing Duck Duck Goose but most of the time she is very serious and looks sad.  I am not sure why she is never in a wheelchair but I do know that the other kids in the house can understand her and try to take care of her. 

Noel Joy (CP) is often on the floor with Noel but does have a wheelchair.  I hear she has a match and thus will have a family soon.  I remember her as one of my favorites from my trip 3 years ago for her sweet disposition and smile.  She has more mobility than Noel and I would think with a loving family she will excel at anything she tries.

Charissa (CP) is always in her wheelchair.  She seems more distant and harder to get to smile but that might be because she cannot maneuver her chair to get where the actions is.  I have heard her speak seldom and quietly but she seems to have a strong bond with Noel and I believe they can communicate with each other without words.  I worry about her, as the stench of urine was strong when I lifted her and in a place with so many in need the quiet ones can be forgotten.

Elizabeth (Feet and Spine Paraplegia) another favorite that I remember from my last visit.  She is shy but this trip has warmed up to me.  She is smart beyond her 8 years and can speak quite a bit of English.  She can get out of her wheelchair and move around the room with her knees bent so that her feet don’t drag using her hands to “walk”.  She is sweet, but packs a mean punch if someone tries to take something in her possession - it is survival of the fittest here and those arms are strong - don’t under estimate her pettiness as a sign of weakness.

Day 5

I’m back tracking a bit as I have been without a computer – we made to Beijing to the Apple store and are now back in blogging business.

By the fifth afternoon we have gotten to know Maya and I plan to mother her while she is here.  She too is adopted from China and from the Berkeley area.  Second trip alone to China for spring break.  She was supposed to be with a tour group but the rest of the group decided to go another week and thus she has been rerouted to the Inn with us. 

A few days ago, I expressed my horror about the nannies feeding some of the sick babies while the babies were lying down.  The baby that I fear won’t live long was having problems breathing.  Due to my background as a nurse, I was summoned by one of the American doctors to do rounds with her and come up with care plans for each of 21 children that have the greatest medical needs.  Wow - that is a big job.  Oh by the way, the staff here have tried many times to get the nannies to not feed children while lying down and have gone so far as to have the nannies lay down and be fed. 

The most amazing part of the day was that a wonderful set of parents came to pick up their 5^th child Sophia (Brynn) today.  It was a very cool for Hannah and Maya to experience.  I spent a long time talking to Brynn’s new mom.  We talked about the anxieties of the waiting process and the stress of being in China while trying to bring a new child into your family. 

It was nice being able to assure her that all of her feelings were normal.  They are amazing people and will be able to give Brynn so much.  Brynn’s new dad said the nicest thing to me before they left, he said “You may do many good things and have many purposes for being here, but one was to talk to my wife, thank you”. 

I remember how hard the trip to get Aidan was for me.  I remember when he walked in the room and we weren’t even sure it was him.  He looked so different from the pictures.  I remember the shame of not feeling like I loved him the first few days.  It is just different when the child is older than when you have or adopt a baby.

I remember falling in love with Aidan.  

Maggie - Day 4

The fourth afternoon was sunny and warm and we were outside a lot.  We ordered-in again for dinner and it was yummy.  The teenager has arrived but we have not seen her yet except when she was getting out of the van, so all we know is she is Chinese but lives in the States. 

 

I feel a bit like I have been pouring my heart out, this is certainly not a beach vacation.  As favorites go here, I have several but today my blog will be about Maggie.  I have a picture of her when she was between one and two (I am guessing), when Vanessa and I were here.  There is also one of her on Grant’s lap from last year and the rest that I post will be current.

 

Maggie has a heart defect, obviously the kind that makes you cyanotic with clubbing of the fingers.  Pulmonary & Tricuspid Atresia, ASD, PDA & Rvhypogensis, a Glenn Shunt was done in 06/08, second surgery needs to be done in the US.  Documents needed for adoption are missing and they are working on finding them so that she can be placed in time.

 

Maggie is sweet, wanting to sit near you and feel your touch, she loves to comb my hair and can go from sweet-smiling to Aidan-angry at the drop of a hat.  The picture of her in the cupboard was taken trying to make her happy after an angry outburst so she would come out of that very small space.  She is playful and likes to dance.

 

She reminds me of the phrase from Maggie May (Rod Stewart's song)

You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone

You stole my heart and that’s what really hurt.